For the person lying awake after saying, “I’m fine” one more time - because telling the truth still feels riskier than being lonely and exhausted.
You're the woman or man who shows up, serves, gives and smiles. You are strong, dependable, faithful, helpful, and steady.
But you haven't been fine in a long time. In the stillness of night: you wonder, Who is taking care of me? Where is my safe place? How much longer can I be the one everyone depends on? How much longer can I carry all of this alone?
If that feels a little too accurate, In Search of the Pink Flamingo was written for you.
You do not need one more thing to carry. You need the loop to stop.
The tiredness you can't explain exists because you haven't felt safe being seen as your real self in a long time.
Maybe you tried setting boundaries, resting, delegating, praying harder, reading the books, istening to the sermons and doing the self-care things. Some of that may have helped.
But it did not reach the part of you that still believes you have to power through and stay useful, composed, dependable, agreeable, spiritual, and okay in order to be safe. It didn't reach the part that believes it's better to hide the real you (your fears and desires) than risk being judged, mocked, ridiculed, rejected or abandoned.
So you say yes when you mean no. You stifle your feelings and keep the peace while losing your own. You become the one evryone depends on. You carry more than is yours because asking for help and trusting others to hold you up feels vulnerable. You call it love, faithfulness, responsibility, or strength.
But sometimes what we call love and strength is fear trying to keep us safe.
You do not need more advice about what to do. You need language for what is already happening inside you - and practical steps to begin living differently. You need to go back to the Garden of Eden.
Before hiding and performing, there was a Garden.
Before fear entered the human story, Adam and Eve felt safe being seen by God, themselves, and each other. There was no shame or need to protect themselves from being seen.
Then fear entered the scene followed by Hiding.
That pattern did not stay in the Garden of Eden. It still shows up now in us now: hiding behind competence, strength, church language, busyness, usefulness, logic, control, or the version of ourselves everyone praises.
That is what performance is: hiding the real you in public, out of fear. And, it's exhausting.
Going back to the Garden does not mean pretending that pain never happened. It means learning to notice where fear has taught you to hide, overgive, control, perform, grasp, or disappear—and learning be who God created yo to be as you relate with God, yourself, and other people.
The version of you fear built to survive is your Grey Flamingo self. The person God created you to be — honest, distinct, discerning, loved, and able to receive love — is your Pink Flamingo self.
You do not have to manufacture your pink. You have to stop hiding it.
I wrote this for the 22-year-old me.
I know what it is to build a life that looks admirable, responsible, faithful, and functional while privately feeling disconnected from everyone around you, what you feel, what you need, and who you are.
I know what it is to keep showing up, serving, achieving, and holding everything together while something inside you is quietly asking: "I don't know how much longer can I live like this."
That journey became In Search of the Pink Flamingo.
I did not write this to speak at you, diagnose you, or give you another standard to live up to. I wrote it for the 22-year-old me who needed language for what was happening. I wrote it for the person who needs to recognize herself without shame, understand what fear has taught her, and begin walking differently with God.
I know I've accomplished this because Readers often tell me this book feels like their diary, a mirror, or words for things they had carried quietly for years.
"It was like a mirror being held up to my face — evoking emotions I didn't even know I had been carrying. I couldn't put it down."
"This entire book feels like a diary to my own life — the identity crisis, the people-pleasing, the silent addiction. I found myself crying, contemplating things I've carried for years, and finally at peace with parts of my story I thought would never settle."
"This book doesn't hold back. It's so honest and real. I felt like I was sitting there with her while she told the story. The story is so relatable. You'll see yourself in the pages. You'll understand yourself better. And you'll walk in greater faith, ready to embrace your pink flamingo"
This book helps you see the pattern beneath the pattern.
In Search of the Pink Flamingo is not another Christian self-help book telling you to be better, do more, or hide your struggle. It is a story-driven, practical guide for the person who looks fine on the outside but feels tired of managing a life built around fear on the inside. Inside you'll learn how to:
It is about learning to see yourself and tell the truth safely, wisely, and one honest step at a time.
You are tired of being less than yourself...
Hiding your real self and performing has a cost.
It shows up in your closest relationships. You're surrounded by people who love you, but you feel unseen and completely alone. When someone asks what's wrong, you say "I'm fine" while hoping they will somehow know not to believe you.
It shows up in your faith and walk with God. You're doing everything "right" — showing up, serving, following the rules - yet you still feel far from God. More often, you negotiate with Him because control feels safer than trust.
It shows up in your body and your schedule. You're running on empty. You overthink and your mind replays every conversation and criticizes every mistake. Saying no feels more dangerous than overextending yourself again.
It even shows up in your work, time, money and opportunities: the idea you did not share, the promotion you didn't ask for, the rate you did not charge, the project you accepted because disappointing someone felt too risky.
Another year of hiding costs closeness, peace, joy, time, energy and the chance to be known for who you actually are.
You do not have to fix your whole life today. But you can stop pretending you do not see what fear has been doing.
What changes when you begin living as your real self without fear...
You may not suddenly become fearless, when you start going back to the Garden of Eden
But you will begin to notice that you can finally breathe.
You can drop the "exhausting superhuman" cape. You can ask for help and let God and other people carry weight with you instead of trying to hold everything together alone.
You can express a need without believing it makes you selfish. You can express your feelings of overwhelm, sadness, anger or fear. You can pause before you say yes.
That is Pink Flamingo living. It's not loud self-expression, selfishness or a perfect life. It's a truer way of living as the person God created you to be. It's living fully seen, fully known, and fully accepted.
Your first honest step begins here.
For $14.97, you will receive a practical, story-driven guide to help you recognize where fear has taught you to hide—and begin responding differently, one honest step at a time:
Bonuses
This is not another thing to add to your list. It is a first step toward putting down the invisible weight you were never meant to carry alone.
A sneak peek inside the pages…
Testimonials
"I fell in love with myself and who I can be while reading this book. It allowed me to breathe — to understand I am not alone, that it is okay to draw boundaries and create a safe space for myself."
"I just could not put the book down. There were so many things that resonated with me. I found myself crying so much. I'm not done with it yet. The pages that you gave for us to write things down... I have so much to process."
"I found this book to be so empowering. Reading the author's narrative on how trying to live up to others' expectations as a young teen caused several toxic traits going into adolescence and how to overcome this reality was truly eye opening. It's as if this book was operating on my heart as I read it. This was like therapy. I would encourage anybody with a Christian background who grew up in a salvation by works environment to read this book. It's packed with powerful anecdotes of God's transformational grace."
One reader sponsored 72 copies through our nonprofit. Several have bought multiple copies as gifts.
A few things you may be thinking…
"What if I do not relate to this?"
Readers repeatedly describe it as a diary, a mirror, and words for what they had carried quietly for years.
"What if I already know this?"
Knowing and living it are two different problems. This book is not mainly about information. It is about recognizing the pattern and practicing a different way of being.
"I'm afraid of what I'll find?"
You will not find judgment or a demand to expose yourself recklessly. You will find language, compassion, discernment, and practical next steps.
"What if I never finish books?"
Neither did Michelle Roberts — for years. She finished this one in a weekend. This book is designed to be conversational, practical, and easy to return to. Readers have described crying, journaling, highlighting, and being unable to put it down.
"What if I'm too far gone?"
Perfection was never the requirement. The invitation is simply to stop hiding and begin where you are.
"I'm a man. Is this written for me?"
The hiding is human nature. If you are a man who leads, serves, provides, and still feels alone inside the role everyone depends on, you will recognize yourself here too. Several of the most passionate responses to this book have come from men who didn't expect to see themselves here. They did and screenshotted and shared page after page that resonated.
You are helping someone else go back to the Garden, too.
100% of every sale funds therapy access for child sexual abuse survivors in the Caribbean — so more people can heal without spending the rest of their lives hiding and performing out of fear.
You are not only choosing a first honest step for yourself. You are helping make that step possible for someone else.
You do not need to become someone else to be loved.
You need to feel safe to stop hiding the person God created. If you are tired of carrying a self you were never meant to be, start here.
Let In Search of the Pink Flamingo help you name what fear taught you, uncover where you have been hiding, and answer the question God asked in the Garden of Eden: "Where are you?""Where are you?