Aren’t You Tired Tryin’ Fill That Void?

Tell me somethin’, girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more?
Is there somethin’ else you’re searchin’ for?

I’m falling
In all the good times I find myself
Longin’ for change
And in the bad times I fear myself

Tell me something, boy
Aren’t you tired tryin’ to fill that void?
Or do you need more?
Ain’t it hard keeping it so hardcore?

– Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper

Recently, I woke up from a dream with this part of the song playing repeatedly in my head. Puzzled, I pondered the rationale for the song before I heard God question me: “Aren’t you tired tryin’ to fill that void?“

I didn’t understand what He meant but started this post, trusting that He would elaborate at some point.

And that point came a few days later! During my time with Him, I found myself in tears of gratefulness as I sang along to songs that declared His goodness, my aim to walk by faith and finally reminding myself that He knows my name and intends that I get the victory. Coming from that worship high, He switched the order of our time together and I found myself praying, pleading to Him for help and guidance. I ended, asking Him to speak to me directly. I opened my Bible app and my eyes landed on the verse of the day – Nahum 1:7

The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in him.
Nahum 1:7 NLT

I thought nothing of the verse, except that it matched where my heart was in that moment. I moved on to the Verse related Story of the Day and as I watched the person exhort on the verse, the Lord’s words came back to me “Aren’t you tired tryin’ fill that void (emptiness in you)?”

I paused, then, to reflect on my life. I’ve had voids in my life that I have struggled to fill and that tended to surface during my hard seasons. In times past, when the trouble, associated with the emptiness’ or voids that I struggled with arose, I often sought refuge from everything else but the One who declared Himself a strong refuge. And in those moments when I relied on my own understanding, I only caused myself more trouble.

I relied on my own strength…

In seasons when I was brokenhearted, down trodden or desperately needed comfort, I buried myself in busyness and extolled in it. I kept busy with work. I kept busy with helping my friends fix their problems (you couldn’t find a better advise-giver or someone more willing to sit and listen to your troubles). I kept busy at church, serving in as many ministries as possible. I kept busy with school. I kept busy reading, devouring as many romance novels as my teenaged self could get through. I pushed myself to the limit! This was sad because the only thing the busyness gave me was the opportunity to constantly run from myself and never face the root of my problems.

…And ended up on a road I had never intended to take…

Despite all of that busyness, I struggled to sleep. In the stillness of the night, I was faced with the choice of facing myself and problems. I found another option and turned to something that I discovered, quite by accident, made me relaxed enough to sleep: masturbation. For many years, it was my addictive sleep aide and a shameful secret I struggled to overcome.

…It led me to Plan Z…

After I woke or I had a moment when I wasn’t too busy, the ache of the void was still there. I still felt incredibly empty. In one of my rougher seasons, desperate and probably slightly suicidal, I turned to God (my Plan Z, at the time – I was out of options).

As a part of the process to healing, He gave me a closer look at me. I came face-to-face with who I was (let’s just say there were many things I didn’t like). In getting up close and personal with myself, I had to acknowledge all the negative feelings that motivated, my sometimes, destructive behaviors. My emptiness and void came from a place of feeling unloved, lonely and lacking a sense of belonging. It was something I, unknowingly, searched desperately to fill. This led to my constant desire to gain approval in all spheres of my life. Even if my bid for perfection killed me (as a person), I went the extra mile to satisfy my need to feel accepted and valued. A symptom of this was seen in me throwing my emotional standards and needs through the window during relationships. I preferred to be in relationships that weren’t fulfilling my needs but that gave me a false sense of belonging and staved off the loneliness that I battled daily, behind my huge white smile.

I won’t lie. It was a difficult journey. One by one, my Plan Z (God) filled my voids. In doing so, He exposed the lies that I had come to believe and their beginnings (some things that I had forgotten). He then proceeded to show me truth. He showed me that there is somewhere I belonged – “I was His child and belonged with him.” He also showed me the strong support system that He had blessed me with and demonstrated that I am loved – “I am His and He cares for me.” He became my “strong refuge when trouble comes and the baseless lies/self-doubts I had had about myself tried to rise.
The Point? I assure you there is one… 🙂

I learned to take refuge in Jesus in a time when my emptiness (voids) overwhelmed me. And He filled me up in ways that I could never had imagined. Since then, I’ve found Him to be the best person to put my trust in and cry out to whenever I need help or guidance. When he helps, I am sure to feel better than I ever would if I had tried to act on my own or used one of my old media for comfort. The added bonus is that because I trust Him to help, He sticks close and will highlight when I need stop before I even get to the point of needing help.

Aren’t you tired of feeling empty and trying everything you can to fill your void? Try Plan Z. Lay it all down at the feet of Jesus. Every one of your desires can be satisfied in His love.