Respectfully, My Standards.

I found myself thinking about something that I realized has troubled me, especially over the last few years.

This is something focused on my standards and respect for them. We all have relationships with various individuals. Whether they are friendships, intimate relations, family relations or business relationships, they still fall under the category of a relationship. The fact is despite the type of relationship, we should set certain standards for our relationships and ensure they are respected.

Recently, I conducted an analysis of some of my relationships and I was surprised to realise how many times I had bent backwards to accommodate a relationship with someone who didn’t respect me enough to deal with the standards I had established. It made me realise something. I was to be blamed! If I didn’t respect my own standards enough to hold persons to them, why should they respect them?

For example, I have many pet peeves. I absolutely dislike it when I’m left hanging without warning in the middle of a conversation. I’m not saying that it cannot happen in an emergency, but in general cases, I just prefer to have a headsup. Though I’ve spoken to individuals about this, many of them still do it and much to my chagrin, my gap analysis showed that I’ve reached the stage where I just whine about it or I shrug it off. What a show of upholding my standards!

Another example would be my dislike of persons I’m not close to getting handsy or close up in my space. I dislike it immensely. I have voiced my dislike but yet still I do nothing if someone I know does it because I want to spare their feelings or reputation. The breakdown of my standard, many times, cause them to become repeat offenders and then I’m left inwardly kicking myself and trying to figure out a polite and not-so-blunt way to tell the individual to get out of my space or get their hands off me. Who is to be blamed? Myself!

One of the things I’ve realised is that WE ARE QUITE GOOD AT BREAKING OUR STANDARDS! We break them to keep the job! We break them for love! We have gotten so good at it that we are totally taken advantage of and we stop complaining and just move into acceptance mode. If you don’t respect your standards, why should anyone? Why is it so hard to say “no”? Why is it so hard to insist that your standards be respected? Why is it so hard to insist that you be shown respect? Why is it so hard to insist your standards be observed or else? The funny thing is, the more we bend backwards to accommodate, it is the more we are required to bend.

This has got me thinking, if they can’t respect the small things, there is no guarantee that they will respect the big things. You will then be left wondering where you went wrong! I don’t want to be left wondering “why?”. I certainly don’t want to be left wondering “where did I go wrong?” either. If you feel strongly about something, the persons you interact with should respect you enough to respect your boundaries. You should also respect yourself enough to hold them to it.

This is a new chapter for me. I will be maintaining my self-respect. Will you join me?