I lied to my therapist last week.
He asked me, “How are you doing?”
I replied, “I am dealing with a lot but I feel still.”
It turns out that the handle I thought I had on the situations going on was not handling well. A cauldron of emotions bubbled up in me to the point where I was constantly on the move.
I’d sit down (in many cases) and lie down to talk to God. Yet all my thoughts and words focused on the things associated with the things He is partnering with me to do.
I’d go for my walk and talk with Him and not have the headspace to delight in Him and the things surrounding me. My thoughts were too focused on the things that I needed breakthroughs around:
“Lord, the payment for the book is coming up. You promised to make it happen.
Lord, there are so many decisions to be made about the business. I need help.
Lord, the fundraiser for the book has so many pieces that I did not expect. I cannot keep up.
Lord. Lord. Lord. Lord.”
I began to treat our Abba Father like a slot machine.
In the middle of the week, I told my boyfriend, “I look at my inbox and want to run. I think about everything I need to do. I feel like crying.”
And yet a day before, I told my therapist, “I feel still.”
Liar. Liar. Pants on fire.
I share the above story from a place of transparency and vulnerability to let you know one thing. You are not alone when you feel overwhelmed scared and uncertain.
It happens to the best of us. And sometimes those feelings catch us off guard.
But, I’m glad that our Father doesn’t leave us there. He knew we’d get there and made a way of escape. And even if we ignore that way of escape, He is there to catch us, the minute we let Him.
Let me explain.
A Way of Escape
Before I got to that point, I felt the Lord inviting me to sit and be still with Him. He issued that invitation every single day. I did not accept it. I had too much to do.
Throughout my days, He gently spoke to me. He used loved ones to issue warnings about my state.
But my busyness, worries, and long to-do list snatched those words away. They were the birds Jesus talks about in the Parable of “The Sower and the Seeds”.
He told many stories in the form of parables, such as this one:
Matthew 13:3-4
“Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them.”
This happened during days when I’d rant and ask God for answers. And then tell Him, “Lord, I trust You.” even as I ignored His invitations to be still.
On the day I sat on my couch with a pounding headache and on the verge of tears, I begged Him for relief. “Lord, I’m doing Your work. It shouldn’t feel like this.”
I heard Him say, “You are behaving like Martha when I have invited you to be Mary.”
His words were a reference to the biblical story of two sisters, Mary and Martha. Martha chose to be busy and complain while Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and soaked up His words).
38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
Luke 10:38-42
41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I acknowledged His words and went right back to being busy. This time I made lunch, ate, and prepared for an important call I had afterward.
The birds of my anxiety and worries came and ate His words.
The Catch and Rescue…
I forgot His words until He brought them back to my remembrance the next morning as I admitted to Him that I was tired just thinking about the day ahead.
This time He spoke firmly and reminded me that He had been inviting me for days to sit still with Him.
I finally accepted the invitation.
That day, I shifted the order of my priorities. I let my long list of to-dos wait. And placed time with God and myself at the forefront.
I sat with the Lord for almost 4 hours. I cried. I listened. I journaled. I just let myself be.
And the change in my demeanor and energy reflected that time. Everyone noticed the difference.
But it didn’t end there. The following day, He invited me again and I accepted.
This time, He asked me one question, “Who is on the throne of your heart?“
I responded, “Lord, what do you mean?”
He told me, “Your overwhelm, anxiety, and worries about finances and the work I assigned have your focus. I am not on the throne of your heart. They are. Take a look at all your prayers in the last two weeks. They are all focused on asking Me about these things.”
Let me tell you, I was shook. I admitted that He spoke the truth and repented. I was treating Him like a slot machine. Even the worship songs I listened to focused on His role as Provider. Me glorifying Him was few and far between.
Our recent interactions lacked the intimacy I loved having with Him – that’s why I had found myself whispering to Him a few times, “Lord, I miss You.”
Though I still heard Him clearly and responded, my interactions with Him looked nothing like how I wanted our relationship to be. I didn’t want to just come to Him and ask Him for things. I wanted to sit with Him and listen to Him. To hear His will for me. To laugh with Him. And delight in Him as much as He delights in me. I did not want to sacrifice that for my worries.
So, that day, I sat with Him and again allowed myself to delight in Him. It wasn’t the easiest because I was a bit out of practice. My attention strayed several times but I persevered.
I finally read the book He directed me weeks ago and got answers I never knew I needed. I finally got the space to remember and do small things He told me to do weeks before. They bubbled up as I let myself hang out with our Abba Father. It was a delightful day of joy and peace. Something, I’d long for all week.
Something, I did not want to miss out on again. So, I put measures in place to reduce the risk of our distance happening again.
I finally found the peace and joy that had eluded me all week. And what a blessing it has been!
The Point? I assure you there is one…
When it comes to the work and things I wait for God to do His part on. They are still there waiting for His hand to be shown.
But with Him on the throne of my heart, I am not stressed out about them. I trust that He keeps His promises. He never leads me to anything He has not prepared a way out for me. This has been and will continue to be my testimony.
What about you? Will you take the anxiety, fear, worry, and overwhelm off the throne of your heart today? Accept His invitation to be still and sit with Him.
🛠️Flamingo Resource(s): Confessions of A Prayer Slacker
If you are in a rut in your prayer life…or have no idea how to build a consistent prayer life.
I recommend, “Confessions of a Prayer Slacker” by Diane Moody. This book helped me to sit with and hear God consistently. That habit changed my life and continues to change my life! In Search of the Pink Flamingo and many of the Flamingo thoughts I share came from me using the book’s principles to sit with God.
I’m on my third read. God leads me back to it and I always walk away with a renewed heart and perspective. Get it for free on Amazon today! You can also supplement it with the Encouraged Growth Devotional designed to help you get intimate with God.
🤩Things I Am Grateful For (What We’ve Been Up To)
Last month God challenged me to thank Him for the good AND “bad” things.
🦩The joy I get from doing round two edits for “Lean In To Your Pink Flamingo” (the new book)! The nuggets I share in this book are hitting me at my core! Check out the cover here.
🦩Recording my interview for the “Your Purpose to Profit” business summit and sharing all the Flamingo principles God is teaching me personally and in business.
🦩Writing down the godly cheat sheets God gives me as I go through Genesis. They are fit for this season of my life as I learn to release control. Check out our YouTube channel for biblical cheat sheets to purpose and life-long joy & peace.
🦩Celebrating the first entrepreneur to sign up for the Pink Flamingo Club. It’s a blessing to see that tree bear fruit.
🦩Enjoying Sunsets. Time with friends. My wonderful boyfriend. And sound advisors.
