December 15th has special meaning for me. It marks the date when God made me a promise that sparked my belief in something I had stopped hoping for years ago.
That was all the way in 2019. And to be honest, after a rollercoaster ride, I stopped believing. Somewhere along the journey, my faith dissolved on that one thing while faith blossomed in other areas.
I made a conscious decision without even realizing it. I mentally and emotionally closed the door on what God had promised me and the way He had shown me it could come to pass.
I want to talk about this in this post because of something that happened to me.
Over the last few weeks, something related to the promise God made me started brewing again. To be honest, it made me angry, uncertain and uncomfortable. And so my immediate reaction was to shut it down. It didn’t matter that what was happening also included me having constant dreams about the topic. I wasn’t having it.
I had tried before and believed hard. I had put in the work and faith and it had all crumbled before my face. Why should I reopen that can of worms? Why should I believe again?
Early morning of December 15th, as I was about to drift off to sleep, I heard the Lord say clearly “Believe again. It’s time you believe again.”
When I heard it, I didn’t realize that it also applied to me. I tapped out the message on Facebook: “It’s time you believe again. The Lord promised you something and time passed and so you struggled to keep believing. You even stopped believing. But, it is time you believe again and take the step He laid on your heart.” I posted and went to sleep.
I ended up waking early in the morning and took an action that was contrary to believing again.
I then went on to have an incredible day, doing another first that God had led me to.
A few days later as I thanked the Lord for that major win, the Lord brought back the words He had said to me. He reminded me that what I was now walking in was the outcome of another promise He had made me in early 2019.
He then showed me that when He had said “believe again” He was also speaking directly to me. He pointed out my fractured and pained faith about the December 15th promise He had made me.
And guys, I kid you not, it made me cry. Because He was so right. There was a piece of me that was so angry at God. He had awoken a desire in me and then taken me on a path that literally blew up in my face
And though I learned so much and grew from the experience, it still hurt. I was still wounded. It still hadn’t turned out the way I thought it would. And it fractured my heart and my faith in that promise.
As I write this, my heart goes out to you for all the things you’re believing for and for which your faith has been fractured. You believed and you believed hard at first and you took action in faith but things fell apart. You wonder to yourself “why did God take me along this path only for it to turn out this way?”
It looks nothing like what He promised and it has been months or even years!
I want to let you know that how you feel is valid. It’s okay to even feel a little bit mad and angry. God is not fearful of our feelings. He knows we have them anyway so we might as well be real about it.
But despite what you feel, you’re still called to have faith and step out.
As I step out again, I want you to step out with me as well.
Let us believe again together. And put all the chips in our loving Father’s arms.
As you believe again, I also want to share a post that my friend, Spencer from Social Media Ministries shared to remind us that God cares about our desires. Believe again. Ask and ye shall receive. You can check out the post here.
I also want to share a sermon called Fractured Faith that my pastor preached last week. When He preached it, I didn’t realize it applied to me until the Lord spoke to me directly about my own fractured faith.
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