Complaining…

As my vacation came to an end, I spent long moments reflecting. These moments were quite different from the first half of my vacation. Those were days I spent on a cruise mingling, making new friends, enjoying the entertainment and exploring new locations. These were all activities designed to feed my outgoing side. The only times I took for deep introspection were pre-dawn when I religiously got up to catch the sunrise. These were some of the most beautiful sunrises I had ever seem. As I stood on the ship’s deck and gazed at the sun rising from the horizon, I couldn’t help but feel in awe of God for His majestic works.

My latter vacation days were totally different.

I spent hours on introspection as I thought about who I am and my year. I guess you guys can call this my year in reflection post. For the first time in many years, I can honestly say that I cried a lot this year! I cried during movies, I cried when I felt hurt or overwhelmed and I laughed until I cried. The difference though was that I ensured that for each of those moments I cried, I found even more powerful and soul-cleansing moments to laugh and smile about. So even though I cried a lot, I also laughed, smiled and played a lot.

I have a confession to make. This year, especially towards the end, there were many times I felt tired and ready to give up. I had some serious lows.

1. Early in the year, my sister and I met in an accident with a Leyland truck on her way to drop me to work.
2. My youngest nephew ended up in the hospital twice this year.
3. While learning to drive, I hit someone’s car.
4. I lost a close friend.
5. I had my first failure to effectively close out a project. 
6. While dealing with the ending craziness of that project, I received news that my grandmother was in the hospital and could have died. 
7. While dealing with the craziness of the project, I got ill. My anemia started acting up to the point where I shivered constantly even in warm weather and fought waves of nausea and dizziness. As if that wasn’t enough, I also had to deal with issue that had affected me emotionally. In truth, #6 and #7 left me an emotional wreck.

In those moments, I can truly understand if God felt a little exasperated with me but through it all, He patiently taught me to focus on the silver lining that existed in each dark cloud.

1. Both my sister and I escaped the accident without a physical scratch. We were alive! The car got fixed!
2. My nephew is home, happy and well. None of his illnesses affected him long term.
3. We got the man’s car fixed although he was a bastard about the issue.
4. Maybe that friend was not supposed to be a part of my life beyond that point. My life now has less drama.
5. The project gave me a lot of experience that I can use to effectively build my career. I also got a chance for a do-over.
6. My grandmother is now home and recuperating.
7. That period gave me the chance to see what I am made of. Despite being ill and feeling intimidated at times, I was not built to break.

You are not built to break either. Don’t waste time and energy complaining! Even in the darkest of storms, you can find the light. After all, with storms come the lightening. Loves, you are stronger than you think because it is in your weakness that you will find God’s strength.