I loved my friends and clients but, I treated them like enemies. I refused to cut a friend.
Storytime.
Recently, the Lord jerked me up about how I showed up in my friendships and some relationships. I gave them kisses and smiles when they needed something life-giving but hard to give and possibly receive.
Let me explain what I mean.
On several occasions, God gave me instructions to share with a friend. I’d share that instruction with my friend. And the friend got confirmation but wouldn’t take action.
Then I’d go through one pattern a million times.
The friend and I would get on a call or meet in person to catch up.
We’d talk about life. Then my friend would share what wasn’t going well. I immediately saw the correlation between their situation and their disobedience. I’d bring up what God told them to do (the solution).
They would tell me all the reasons they can’t do it. We would go back and forth. The conversation often ended with me begging them to do what God said.
We’d repeat the pattern on the next link-up or call. Sometimes this went on for months, even years.
That happened with friend after friend.
A call to change…
One day the Lord stick me up good and proper. He said:
“Chañel, you say you love your friends but you treat them like enemies. You give them kisses when they need faithful wounds. On top of that, you are being a bad steward of the time and wisdom I’ve given you. Why would you continue to spend countless hours encouraging someone and praying for an outcome they have not gotten because they are willfully disobedient to Me?”
I stopped. He was right.
I love my friends. And I could not continue to entertain them when their actions put them and their futures at risk. I could not give them hidden love and kisses when they needed wounds. That was the behavior of an enemy! Enemies say nice things to lull their enemies into a false sense of security. It wastes time and makes their enemies lax and careless.
“An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”
Proverbs 27:5-6 NLT
The instruction…cutting is good. Not cutting is bad.
So I asked the Lord to order my steps. He gave me one instruction: “Cut a friend. Give your friends open rebuke and wounds. Do not invest more time and energy into those 1:1 conversations until they do what I’ve instructed.”
As I reflected on the Lord’s instructions, it hit me. That’s exactly what God does with us! Every time He prunes us. Each time He cuts off bad branches, He wounds us to save us. Just check John 15:2-4!
“He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”
John 15:2-4
I know that this year He spent a lot of time cutting on me, pruning me so that I could be fruitful. If God did that because He loves me and wants me to thrive, why couldn’t I do the same for the people I love? Why would I be okay with them maintaining behaviors (branches) that were literally killing them and stopping their fruitfulness? Fruitfulness that would change their lives and the lives of people they could never imagine. I was doing them a great disservice.
And not only that, I was doing myself a great disservice too. The Lord called us to be good stewards of the people and resources assigned to us. One day, I would be called to give an account of how I stewarded them, just like the 3 servants with the talents in Matthew 25:14-30. The thought of misusing the people, time and energy that God assigned to me, grieved me deeply.
Embracing the discomfort…
Over the next few days, I had some tough conversations. Instead of repeating the usual patterns, I shared my heart. Then set a standard with each friend, “we would not meet for a follow-up conversation if they refused to do the thing God said.”
It felt uncomfortable but I went forward. A little discomfort was better than keeping my mouth shut and participating in something detrimental to the people I loved. I refused to be a passive-aggressive bystander in their life.
The ball rested in their court.
Some thought I was joking.
Others told me told me that they would do it. Some kept their word and even thanked me for the wound (accountability). Some even saw immediate results when they stopped being disobedient.
Then there were others who still refused to move. But one thing was sure, I kept my word and canceled a few calls at the appointed time when the standard was not met.
It wasn’t easy but it was necessary.
I love them and would rather give them the wounds of a friend.
Than say I love them but laugh and kiss them as they take actions that we both know are killing them.
The Point? I assure you there is one…🙂
My Flamingo friend, take a moment to reflect. Who have you given kisses to when they need faithful wounds?
Stop giving the people we love, the kisses of enemies when they need the faithful wounds of a friend.
Cut a friend. Cut a sibling. Cut your spouse. Cut your parents. Cut your children. Cut. Cut. Cut. Gracefully wound them to save them.
I believe in you.
