“Get in the box, you Jezebel!” If you’ve watched the movie, Barbie, you probably instantly recognize that famous Will Ferrell line. He screamed it in irritation as Barbie takes too long to reenter the box that would return things to “normal”.
But this post is not about people who try to force us into “normal” boxes. After a rather tough experience of mine own, I recognized something that is many times overlooked.
Sometimes we are the Will Ferrells screaming, “Get in the box, you Jezebel!” at ourselves.
Let me explain. As a former people-pleaser, I used to be my harshest critic and very conflict avoidant. Any mistake was worthy of a harsh internal berating. The hint of conflict would send me scurrying for the hills. My only intent was to hide and avoid, avoid, avoid until I could avoid no more.
But note I said, that’s how I used to be. That’s not the world I’ve lived in for the last 1.5 years. Now, I have a healthier option that brings me so much peace and joy. I lean heavily into giving myself and others grace as I take responsibility for my actions and handle conflict with grace and confidence, as needed.
However, here is a fact. When you step out of a box that doesn’t serve you and overcome a long-standing habit, if you are not careful, it can easily creep back in when you are at your most vulnerable. That was what happened to me recently. I had a lot going on from all angles. To be honest, your girl was drained. I look back now and thank God that I made it through one of the best but roughest summers of my life.
Out of the blue, I had an epiphany about a series of events that perplexed me for months. Suddenly, the whole damn thing made so much sense! I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it. I am freaking intelligent and typically spot things like this a mile away! Why hadn’t I? For a split second, I felt so dumb.
That was the opening my former critic needed. She came out swinging…ready to push me back into the box of my former self. I shut down the mental berating quickly… but not before she planted one seed. A seed that cast me squarely into the role of conflict avoider: “I must have known what was going on. I must have seen it. I must have chosen to ignore it because it was safer. I must have done all that because that was how my former self would have handled the situation.”
For a full 48 hours, my overtaxed mind and emotions believed her without question. I must have done it. That seemed to be the only logical explanation. I couldn’t believe I had messed up like that, especially when it meant that I would hurt people I cared for! It left a heavy weight of responsibility on my shoulders and a deep disquiet in my soul. I felt so guilty and ashamed.
Except when I got more space to breathe and analyze further, I realized there was a truth I overlooked.
My current nature doesn’t match the old box that my harsh critic tried to shove me in.
I didn’t live there anymore! I wasn’t conflict avoidant. I value truth and honesty and give that even in the hard, scary moments. That is my pattern. I face sticky and uncomfortable situations head-on, no matter how scary it feels to start the conversation or push for the conflict to be resolved.
And so, there was no way I would have known what was going on and done nothing about it. No matter what it was, I was too upfront to do that anymore. Plain and simple conclusion emerged… I had missed what was going on. No hidden agenda. No games. No avoiding. I had just missed it. And that was okay. Had to give myself a heavy measure of grace there.
The Point? I assure you there is one… 🙂
My friend, beware. Your old self, inner critic and old habits will try to ambush you with lies about yourself. Remind yourself constantly of who you are and the new habits and values you have formed by the grace of God. You are a new creature. Walk boldly in that truth. The curtains have closed for the old you and the box you used to live in. You don’t live there anymore. Don’t forget it even when that loud voice rises up to try and tell you otherwise.
