I still remember my first major habit or should I say addiction. Sucking my fingers! Anywhere I went, I could be seen with my fingers in my mouth.
My mother had already moved past the stage where she had threatened, cajoled and expressed despair at this unhealthy habit but I didn’t care one bit. My fingers were my comfort, they were my go-to and I wasn’t going to stop! Dirty and unhealthy or not!
Something happened the year I turned 12. I decided I was a big girl and needed to stop. I came to that decision and need for action all on my own. From that experience, I can definitely say that I underwent the whole withdrawal symptoms from drugs. I would break out in cold sweats when the need arose to stick my fingers in my mouth but I refrained. Sometimes, refraining meant sitting on my hand but I was determined to win the battle between my mind and my will. It took me months but eventually, I won and the urge to stick my finger in my mouth went away. Now I wonder how crazy I was to ever have had that disgusting habit.
My second case of bad habit was a relationship which began when I was 17. Although, over time things soured, I was intensely involved in the situation and thus, my mind refused to let go. “You can change him.” “Things will get better.” These were some of the thoughts my mind told me as I experienced some of the most miserable days of my life.
Finally, I made the decision to walk away. It took me 3 years of trying and falling and getting back up to totally disassociate myself! Three years in which I had to fight the urge to call or text him or simply see him. Three years, where, at times, I cursed my weakness as I yielded after months on the wagon. Eventual, I realized the trigger to the need that swamped me. The moments that were predecessors to my fall generally involved me reminiscing about the good times. I adjusted my battle plan and faced my trigger heads-on. As I saw myself overcoming, I became stronger until the need to reach out or communicate was no longer there. I had overcome!
As I reflect on these two key habits that I had fostered and had to overcome at different points in my life, I think of persons who faced similar or more compelling habits. I have one thing to say to persons who have yielded to the same temptation over and over again until the devil knows which button to push to make you jump willingly off the wagon deserting your beliefs and all you stand for just for one more fix. I have one thing to say to all the persons who know that when they tell themselves “Just one more time.” it doesn’t actually mean just one more. Your one more always turns into another. THE HABIT IS HARD TO BREAK BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE!
Which for you, is stronger? Your mind or your will? Choose you! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
